Little Kids are Scary, Now Where’s the Cure?

History to Back it Up

It seems that, ever since people started telling horror stories, kids have been the main horrors. Plenty of parents can probably relate, but doesn’t it seem odd that the most harmless people on Earth are often the most frightening? Where’s the fear come from? I mean, back in the “olden days”, people never even heard from kids. They just sat where they were supposed to, did what they were supposed to, and grew up into hard-working nobodies. Kids nowadays are even less scary, what with all their makeup and gaudy clothes. So what is it about the 6-10 year-olds that seems to make them the subject of every other horror movie that comes out? Maybe it’s the creepy way they’re always singing nursery rhymes in trailers for movies. I mean, that’s scary, right? It’s all echoey and quiet, and come on! Nursery rhymes are always scary! Or maybe it’s just that they look like adults, only…less-so! They’re like little people, running around and doing who-knows-what. If you’ve seen what a toddler can do with some mashed carrots and some drywall, you’re probably already shaking in your boots. But still, are kids really all that scary? Can’t the horror-movie industry come up with something other than “look at this kindergartner! She’s really, like, kinda spooky! Now she’s reciting a nursery rhyme! OoooOOOooooh!”. I don’t buy it.

Classic Cids

It seems that, going back over years of great horror movies, they all seem to involve kids. Remember “The Shining”? Yeah, Nicholson was the bad guy. But wasn’t the kid the creepiest part? I mean, come on. Redrum is way scarier than Nicholson’s face peering through a door. Or how about “Poltergeist”? Another horror classic with another darn kid stealing all the scares. And then there’s that beauty from up above, Ms. Exorcist. Let’s go back even farther! How about “Rosemary’s Baby”, which features an infant as the main source of the scares! The only horror classic that comes to mind that doesn’t feature a little girl with a creepy voice is “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, but that’s officially off my list of great horror movies after all the stupid remakes and prequels. So where’s the new idea? Where’s the next creepy thing that’ll inspire hundreds of “scary” movies? Terrorism? Pollution? MTV2? Let’s hope it’s something good, because the Saw franchise can only last so long.

And Then There’s This…

Here’s the proof. This is why kids need to be left out of horror films / stories. This movie is going to finally prove that kids just aren’t that scary after all. The Grudge did its best, and the Ring helped out, but this little piece of horror is going to blow the case wide open. Hopefully, the few people who actually go to this movie will, after gouging their eyes out, run out onto their lawns and yell to the world: “that was kind of boring”. So there ya go, horror-movie industry. You’re kind of boring. Get the kids out, and get some new ideas rolling.